


Sanguinity

by tensfilm



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst, Character Study, Depression, Drug Use, Feelings, Love at First Sight, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22783114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tensfilm/pseuds/tensfilm
Summary: In a world where your soul is an asset and a lover is your strength, Doyoung never had a lover and he's losing his asset.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 5
Kudos: 139





	Sanguinity

**Author's Note:**

> my first dotae fic 🥺 so bear with me !!

Doyoung is a rational person.

He has a total grip on his emotions and his every action is executed with his full control. This personality trait has always been beneficial for him until he turned fifteen and he realised he's at the greatest disadvantage than any other walking person near him.

Now, if he would have been living in a world as simple as ours, it wouldn't have been a problem at all. But he lives in a world where death is decided by the person itself. No matter how many injuries a man can take, he'll survive as long as he desires to, but the moment he becomes vary of his life, his soul will leave the body for its own good.

A child is born with a body and a soul to keep. The soul is an asset which is permanently attached to the body until the child turns fifteen and gets the responsibility to keep it safe inside him. He will stay healthy until he wants to. Optimism, Hope, Cheerfulness, Desire are some few factors that will keep him alive. But the moment he'll lose his concentration, the moment the person's mind will start filling with negative thoughts, the soul will immediately leave the body.

In short, sanguinity is the key to _life_.

Doyoung has seen souls leaving their owners' bodies in front of his eyes several times. He has seen several kinds of death. The immediate one where the soul painfully escapes into realm in seconds just like how his sister's life ended in front of his eyes. He was around eleven and his older sister was seventeen when a car has jolted right in front of them, sending both of them in a void of immense pain. Doyoung, being young, had no control over his soul so he was saved immediately by some medical attention meanwhile the pain caused so much despair in his sister's mind that she wished for death and got granted in seconds.

Doyoung has seen the kind of death where soul leaves the body everyday in parts, torturing the owner on its way out. None other than his roommate, Nakamoto Yuta, when he shared a dorm in his college, died in front of him. His dad had gone bankrupt and his every asset was being snatched from him. Soon after few months, he fell into depression and into a dreadful death.

Doyoung has somehow dragged his life for twenty six years as of now. He is aware that he's dying himself, not having any desire to live anymore. It's like a long rope hanging in the space to which Doyoung is holding desperately to stay alive. After losing everyone around him and being rational to the point he doesn't see the world as more than a mechanical system just running along until it gets rusted to dust, Doyoung has no desire to live.

Every Sunday morning, Doyoung visits the library situated at the opposite side of his workplace in Vienna, to grab a novel. The mere piece of writing is an excuse to string his life for longer. He can't die if he is still waiting to know the climax of the story. Sunday afternoon arrives and Doyoung drags himself to the the eleventh street from the end of the highway to visit the restaurant chains. He can't die if he's willing to know the taste of the new cuisine.

He can't die if he's waiting to repeat it all next Sunday.

Hell, Doyoung had even bought a pet cat three months ago in a desperate need to stay alive. Surprisingly, the pet cat whom he had oh so dearly named “Mimi” helped him a lot. It gave him enough strength he needed for his body to act as a great host for his soul.

They say love is the most powerful force in the world. It gives you a breathe of fresh air when your surroundings are crumpling down. It's the knowledge of knowing where the sun shine and where the rain falls.

It's the strength that keeps you healthy.

Except that Doyoung has never been in love, his life is too mechanical and his thoughts are so in order that he can't fit the idea of finding another human being worth enough spending your emotions on.

And Doyoung knows that he is dying. His soul is leaving his body, progressively slow. No matter how many hospitals he visits, no amount of counselling or drugs is keeping him away from walking along the path of his death.

Doyoung has never been the healthiest.

Taeyong has always been the healthiest.

He has always been called “a bunch of sunshine” by his parents and his peers. Taeyong never understood the idea of hating the system of life and death. It seemed so simple to him – if you see a person who is breathing, then he wants to be alive and if a person who is dead, then he wanted to be. It seemed so fair to him.

Taeyong grew up in Vienna, an exquisite place known as the residents of Mozart and Beethoven. He has enjoyed life since the beginning of time. A place known for its stunning imperial tradition, Taeyong's parents worked in coffee houses. Just like his parents, Taeyong grew up to be a handsome fellow liked by every one around him. He had beauty and charisma that drew everyone in. As a lot of people would call him a social butterfly, Taeyong was just as open minded about things.

He was like a little kid who dreamt of building his name in the industry of architecture. He had plans to fulfill and a loving family to take care of.

Everything was perfect...  
...until it wasn't.

26th April 2019 when Taeyong witnessed a soul leaving a person's body for the first time.

Doyoung enters the library, the strong familiar smell of rotting paper hitting his nostrils. He remembers the first time he smelled paper when he was in seventh grade and had started reading Harry Potter series. It surprises him that the fragrance hasn't changed at all, yet the excitement of its arrival has changed a lot.

He smiles at the old librarian, sitting behind the reception area, holding a newspaper in her weak wrinkled arms. Everything about her body screams old and seems like it'll weather away in few seconds but her eyes shines behind the golden colour glasses hanging on her nose, telling the world that her soul is still brand new. Doyoung wonders what she might be holding on, to live such a long life. But then again, he resorts to the thought that she might have a family and grandchildren. Not everyone is as miserable as him.

Like a daily routine, Doyoung picks a novel from the old shelves. This time a book called “Sun & Moon” catches his eye. His eyes search for the description and soon he finds it,

“When my moon rises, your sun rises as well  
Under the same sky, in this different time.”

He chuckles darkly and puts it back on the shelf, fingers running down the edges of books to find another.

“What's so funny?”

“Huh?” Doyoung turns around to the voice to see a boy of around his age, a little younger maybe.

He has a round face and is brunette which compliments his caramel skin tone. By the looks of it, Doyoung can tell he's a troublemaker.

“Nothing really.” Doyoung replies shortly.

“Why did you put the book back then? Why'd you laugh? Share your joke with a homie?” The boy presses the matter, scooting closer to Doyoung.

Doyoung is totally uninterested in making a conversation but he caves in soon,

“It's just that the novel is romance and I laughed at how ridiculous it is.” Doyoung tilts his head a little to eye the shorter boy who is now taking out the same novel.

“Did you have a bad breakup or something, man? You look kinda depressed too.” The boy turns the page of the novel, examining it.

“Nah. I can tell love is ridiculous with or without any experience.”

“Oh, so you're just bitter you never had an experience.” The boy looks up to Doyoung and mocks to which he only gets an eyeroll as a reply.

Doyoung decides to leave, finding it useless to talk to a thickskull like him. But before he executes his action, the boy has already started talking,

“Love is not ridiculous. I am in love with a boy and let me tell you, it's the best feeling in the world. His name is Mark and he's from Canada, he's the cutest little bea-- uhh I mean”, the boy smiles and turns to Doyoung who is froze at his place,

“--what I mean to tell you is that one day, you're gonna find someone and then you'll know.”

“Not going to happen but thanks for the concern.” Doyoung snorts.

The boy makes an annoyed face but soon gains his composure back, shoving the novel hard on Doyoung's chest, startling the older,

“I'm not going to ask what's the reason you're so emotionally constipated nor am I going to spend my precious time lecturing you about love. So meanwhile, just read this book. It's a good story, don't disrespect it like that.”

And with that, Doyoung ends up leaving the library with a romance novel in his hand that seemingly talks about a long distance relationship. He sighs.

Maybe I'll already be dead by the time I finish this, he thinks as he drags himself to his apartment.

There is an in unusual commotion on the ground floor of his building which Doyoung chooses to ignore as he walks up the stairs to the fourth floor where his cat is waiting for him.

The words of library's boy is still ringing in Doyoung's head, “One day, you're gonna find someone and then you'll know.” As if. Doyoung snorts. 

He strongly denies the idea of love. It frustrates him how people put romantic projections in everything and none of it is based on reality. He thinks that love is just an exaggerated form of infatuation. People tend to stick around another because they're attracted to them, simple. But it's also the most selfish thing in the world, everyone knows that if you have a lover, you're gonna have a desire to wake up tomorrow. Doyoung believes that people uses love as an excuse to live longer. It's pure selfish.

Before Doyoung can even touch the handle of his door, a strong pang of pain hits his chest, making him jerk back as a reflex. The book immediately drops from his hand to the floor with a thud, making a ringing voice in his head.

He clutches his shirt where his heart lies and mutters, “fuck” loudly enough to increase his headache as the pain crawls from his chest, spreading across his shoulders. It's painful. It's like a thousand needles pricking together on his back. It's like someone has wrapped a string aroung his heart and pulling it, making his organs squeeze and scream in pain.

Doyoung groans loudly, “Fuck not now! Fuck no, not yet. I still have to read this fucking book. I need to see Mimi right fucking now.”

He knows there's no point in consoling his own soul with lies because he's aware how unenthusiastic he is about the book and the cat is definitely not waiting for her depressed owner to come back home.

There's only one option. He quickly finds strength as he runs down the stairs to the second floor, clutching his chest like a wild boar, nails digging in the skin under his thin shirt. He reaches the apartment number 207 and starts banging on it, desperately.

“Jungwoo fuck, do you have opoids? tranquillisers? Any drug, right n-now.”

Jungwoo is horrified as he opens the door to see Doyoung grimacing in pain. And before Doyoung can get his answers, he starts to panic,

“Oh my god, Doyoung, I'm--I'm sorry. They n-needed a supply d-downstairs and...I sent them all.”

“WHAT?!” At this point Doyoung can't feel his left chest anymore.

“There's a funeral going on downstairs so they n-needed it. Shit Doyoung, I'll try to contact someone. Please.”

“Nevermind.”

Doyoung quickly makes a run for downstairs to steal some from the funeral. There's no way his soul will stay in his body until Jungwoo calls his friend or something. He doesn't understand why people attend funerals if all they're gonna be is sad about it and chew on drugs.

Doyoung finds himself in the hall of the said funeral. People all dressed in black and high of drugs. They can't mourn as they're afraid to die but are still here celebrating death of someone, fucking hypocrites.

All the commotion of drugs would be being handled aroung the washroom, Doyoung thinks. He clutches his weakening body for the last time, as his chest feels like it's being twisted by inside, and makes a run towards the restroom area.

Suddenly the pain in Doyoung's heart drops to zero as he comes in vicinity of another man, hanging by the sink desperately, _dying_.

In his twenty six years of life, Doyoung has seen several deaths but not once he was so uncomfortable by watching it.

The man has black hair that falls on his eyes and a small face, his cheeks are colored red and his lips are quivering in pain. If he wasn't spasming right now, Doyoung would definitely agree that he's the most beautiful man Doyoung has ever laid eyes on.

From his attire, it seems like he came here to attend the funeral. But he didn't take drugs? And Doyoung can tell by the reaction, the funeral was maybe of a close one. Doyoung can also judge by the situation that it's probably the first time he has seen someone die.

Now, Doyoung would ignore him and treat himself first, but he somehow can't. The guy in front of him is crying hysterically and all Doyoung wants to do is to avoid him but he can feel all the atoms in his body gravitating towards him. It's like the boy's a magnet and Doyoung is burning iron.

His instincts works faster than Doyoung as he quickly kneels down and holds the trembling boy by his shoulders, making him sit upright to which the boy simply fell on Doyoung's lap, his body like jelly with only a little ounce of soul left.

Doyoung cups his face in his palms and the boy keeps on crying,

“Why d-did she...l-leave me?"

Doyoung doesn't know what to say, his palms are trembling too. He has no idea why but at this very moment, he just doesn't want to witness this guy dying. He doesn't want this guy to die at all.

“Did she not love me? Why would she leave me if she loved me?”

“She loved you!” Doyoung desperately answers, not knowing what he's doing himself, “She still loves you. She will always love you.”

The boy looks up to see the stranger trying to comfort him and Doyoung swears he never seen someone so vulnerable yet so approachable at the same time. The skin in his hand burns as he gets aware of the contact with his cheeks.

“If I leave, will I meet her?” The boy asks innocently, his eyes already losing its colour.

“No no no no, that's not--not how it works damn!” Doyoung desperately tries to change the person's mind.

He doesn't know what to say, what to do. But he knows that if he doesn't take any action, the man in front of him will be gone forever. And for some reason, Doyoung knows that he's not gonna be able to bear it.

He's like a little petal which is filled with tranquility and love, wilting away like this isn't in his destiny. He needs to bloom.

“Whats your name?” Doyoung asks, in a hope to distract him with some questions, scooting him closer in his lap.

“Tae-Taeyong.” He replies, still trembling but caving in the stranger's touch.

“That's a beautiful name, Taeyong.” Doyoung starts stroking his hair, “Stay.”

“What?” Taeyong asks, surprised. His eyes widening as he looks at Doyoung.

Taeyong knew the moment Doyoung had taken his face in his palms that he's not going to die tonight. It was just a touch of the stranger, a warm gesture that made Taeyong feel like he can't just let a stranger's kindness go in vain and he believed he will mortify him by dying in front of him.

His mother's loss had affected Taeyong to the core. He always believed that he's going to spend his whole life with his his parents, happy and peacefully. He never expected the sudden death of his mother. He couldn't just put a finger on why would his mother want to die. For why would her mind be filled with negative thoughts. Was his love not enough?

There was only one thing in his mind. The need to go. Go away from his body and find his mother, join her. Find her and ask the reason why she died. He knew he's not in his right mind but his thoughts are too clouded right now.

So when he hears someone say, _**Stay**_ , it's like time stopped for him. As if that's the only word he needed to hear. He doesn't understand why and how but he wants to...just wants to stay.

Maybe he'll die tomorrow or an hour later. But he knows it's not in this moment, no.

“Say that again.” Taeyong requests, his voice coming out as whisper as he sniffs.

“I want you to stay, Taeyong. Can you do this for me?” Doyoung speaks, his voice calmer as such, he's himself surprised.

Taeyong trembles vigorously, his voice coming out as incoherent whispers. But Doyoung can notice he's gaining some strength.

Doyoung grabs a pouch of white tablets he notices in the corner with his one arms still wrapped around Taeyong, balancing him on his lap and counts them upto three before slowly putting it in his mouth.

Doyoung watches Taeyong's lips sucking on the tablets before gently swallowing it. The expression on his face gives away the fact that he has never taken pills before, he never needed to. How innocent.

Doyoung notes it is not the best time to think about this but he swears he's never seen a pair of lips as attractive as his. _Fuck_.

It takes Taeyong few minutes before he falls into deep sleep. Doyoung carries him outside to a couch nearby the ladies' restroom and rests him on it.

He doesn't know the boy in front of him at all. To Doyoung, he's a complete stranger whom he helped in need.

He should just tell someone from the funeral about him and leave.

But He decides not to. He's going to wait until Taeyong wakes up, he plans on making a coffee for him. He is going to read “Sun & Moon” to him. He is going to tell him tales of all the death he has witnessed and how none of it is there's fault.

He plans on taking care of him, keeping him alive.

Doyoung is going to stick to him. Because Doyoung is selfish and for the boy has stopped the pain in his heart.

Doyoung has never felt this healthy before.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you if you made this far, honestly don't know if this story makes any sense but i appreciate you took time to read it :)


End file.
